Hey love,
You had me really worried for a couple of days. That Saturday morning I was so worried I broke down crying in Charlie's car. Luckily Charlie is cool, but man, was I worried. Imagine how glad I am to hear you are out of ICU and doing better! I'm so sorry you had to go through so much crap. Charlene and I wish we could have split the pain with you, but I suppose life doesn't work that way.
I've actually been pretty busy the past week. Go figure. Last Friday night I went camping with Charlie and Joseph. It was lots of fun. We found this great place up the canyon past Spanish Fork. We made a fire and then the three of us snuggled and watched the stars. I wished you had been there because we didn't know any of the constellations except the stupid Big Dipper. :) Charlie, who is normally not very cuddly (remember the last email I sent you), was suddenly very cuddly when we were camping. He kept playing with my hair and we actually fell asleep holding hands. Uhh...
I mean, I didn't complain. But I knew it didn't mean anything, and I knew it was a one-time deal. I was right--things went back to normal after that. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I guess it just gave me hope that he has fewer problems with physical intimacy than I had previously thought. In fact, I mentioned that to him; I told him he probably was more capable of marrying a girl than he thought. His response was that he doesn't want to marry a girl. At all.
Not that I didn't already know that. He hasn't been going to Church. Basically the only reason he's not dating a guy is because he hasn't found one he likes. Collin and I were talking about it, and I think it hurts Collin more than he'll let on. Charlie used to be so strong in the Church, and now he's very flaky about it. I worry, and I know Collin worries. I was talking to Mike the other day about this and I mentioned that I think I could marry a gay guy as long as he was rock-solid in the Church. Because as long as I knew that, I knew we could work through all of the other issues. And that's basically why I can't marry Charlie.
It's so weird, Sunshine, to think that a few months ago I honestly thought that maybe I was supposed to marry Charlie. And now, I know I just can't. It would never work. And I used to depend on him so much. I don't depend on him as much anymore. I'm learning how to depend on myself. It's sort of scary...but I can't depend on him if he keeps going in the direction he is. I suppose we'll just have to see what happens.
Dang it I got off on another soap-opera rant.
Ok back to life.
The day after camping I was mega tired and mega worried about you, so I went home and showered and slept for a really long time. I pretty much just hid the entire day.
Sunday was much better. Our ward meets at 1:00, so I slept in. I was sort of bored in Church, but I sat by this awesome girl Mena. She reminds me of Stephany Rosen a lot--a big girl, but very cute, with a very loud and slightly obnoxious manner about her. I love it. She is really nice and really amazing. So we had fun.
Charlie came with Rebecca, David, and I to dinner at my grandparents house for Mother's Day. It was crazy because there were so many people, but still fun. My grandpa wants Charlie to come back next time too. Haha. Monday was sort of boring, but then I went to FHE. I didn't know anyone there except Cheryl's friend Terri, but I met a lot of cool people and actually had a good time. Then Mike and I went to Barne's and Noble where I bought some new books. Yay! Next we went to one of Mike's friends' house...Ty Mansfield. He was one of the writers of "In Quiet Desperation." He was really cool and so was his house-mate. Both were gay, but the kind that are mega devoted to the Church. We made cookies. :)
Tuesday I got out of psychology early, and I was reading a book when I got a text from Peter asking what I was doing. I said nothing, and asked him what was up. Apparently he and Mark quit their job in North Dakota and had made their way back to Provo. Mark's brother Pan was going into the MTC the next day, so Mark was busy with family. Peter came over for a bit and we just chatted. It was lovely to see his gorgeous face again. *sigh*
I then went to Rebecca and David's house for dinner. It was David's birthday, and he and Rebecca had been so fond of Charlie that they invited him too. My older brother also just moved to Provo for the summer so he came. The five of us had a fun little dinner, then I returned home and called Peter. He came over and we started watching the "Shawshank Redemption." Then Mark called and wanted us to go get food with him and his brothers.
So we went to Beto's. I wasn't hungry but I ordered some rice so I wouldn't have to stare at everyone else eating. Peter paid for me. Mark's brother Samuel had his girlfriend with him, and because I came with Peter it sort of seemed like I was Peter's girlfriend. And he paid for me. Umm... I didn't complain. :) Mark's brother Pan was really funny. He told Samuel's girlfriend that she wouldn't fit in their family because she was really quiet. We all laughed and then he turned to me and said that I would fit perfectly in their family. When he left, I wished him luck and said maybe I'd see him in two years. He said, "Yeah, maybe you'll marry Mark or Peter. That would be cool." I laughed and said perhaps.
Peter and I made our way back to my house to finish the movie and Mark came for the tail end. Peter and I were sitting pretty closely on the couch, our arms touching the whole time, and we shared a foot rest. Bah. I'm smitten.
The next morning I had to take Rebecca to the airport, and I convinced Peter to come with so I wouldn't have to drive back alone. Then he drove me to class. I swear, I had the hardest time concentrating.
I came home and tried to study but ended up falling asleep. Finally Peter and Mark came over and the three of us went to see the Ninja Turtles movie. Then we went and got food, and went to Peter's future apartment to play games. Peter kicked our trash at Scene It. At like 1am I finally left. I said goodbye to Peter again, and then drove Mark home.
Peter left for DC yesterday. Apparently he has a friend there that offered him a job. Mark is staying here for spring and summer.
It was really great to have him here again. Like "old times." Ha. Really though, I have so much fun just being around those guys. Mark came over last night to make dinner with me, and then again later to watch a movie. I have a lot in common with Mark, which is perfect because he's Peter's best friend. So if Mark compliments Peter, and I'm just like Mark...I would be the ideal girl for Peter...I'm just saying. :)
And I've been really lazy about doing homework and stuff, but I'm to the point where I don't really care. Joseph text-ed me several times a day after our camping trip, which got slightly annoying, but I think he gave up. I'm a bad friend sometimes, I swear. I guess I just don't like it when people act less cool than me. I don't really think I'm that cool, and I like to hang out with people who are cooler or the same coolness as me. But when people act like I'm the cooler one, it's weird. I mean, I'm not that cool, and if I'm cooler than them, what does that say about them? Anyway. Joseph is still cool, I was just getting annoyed with the texting. But he stopped.
Oh my gosh I'm so long-winded. This is like the longest email of all time.
I guess I just want to tell you everything because normally you know everything about my life.
I miss having you here.
Feel better my friend. I can't wait to be out there with you. Feel free to respond or not respond. I will probably just keep sending you long emails. Haha. Love you.
Natalie
No comments:
Post a Comment