Relationships

So Mark and I are dating. It's great actually. I know he feels bad about what happened and I trust him very much. This summer almost doesn't seem real anymore. There are still rare occasions where I can remember it very clearly--too clearly--but mostly I don't think about it. It just a haze of memory.

It's still weird to me that I'm part of a couple, that I'm not just emotionally and physically attached to someone, but that I'm socially attached as well. I don't think I'm quite used to it yet, but I'm getting there.

I was wondering today why it's weird for me to be in a relationship. And I realized that, besides the fact that I've never officially been in a relationship like this before, I just always pictured myself single. Sure, I could imagine being married with kids, but that always seemed cloudy, indefinite, and far off. I just realized I'm closer to that than I thought.

It's a little scary.

I'm just adjusting slowly.

Then there's Matthew. He wanted to date me. Probably more badly than he lets on. And if it weren't for Mark, I probably would have said yes. We connect really well and I love him dearly, but the timing was just horrible. I still think Matthew is jealous sometimes. I never would have thought I could have that effect on a gay man. I still feel bad about it sometimes. He cried when I told him Mark and I were going to date. I think he's just very insecure sometimes about being gay (can you blame him?) He felt like he wasn't good enough for me, like he was just Plan B and that I deserved better. I hated hearing that. He seems to be doing better now and even talks about trying to meet other straight girls. It's just another one of those things that's just there...

Yet another post of my scattered thoughts. My life is actually quite fabulous right now. Mark amazes me. He's made so much progress and I'm so proud of him. And he's a wonderful boyfriend. I feel so spoiled sometimes.

Anyway, this bug bite on my foot is driving me insane and I have some homework to finish before I can go home. Auf wiedersehen.