Rambly as usual

Just got back from my date. It went like this: I went to his house and we cooked dinner together. Two of his hilarious roommates (with whom I'm also friends) were there "to chaperone." Really, they were just unpacking pots in the kitchen. So we all ate together, which was delightful. My hands smell like onions though. Then, Matthew and I escaped to the dollar theater to see Fantastic Four. He did the whole arm-around-the-waist bit as we walked, and we held hands and snuggled during the movie. But that's not new.

It was just a lovely date. Matthew makes fabulous company and he smells nice (umm I think I smell like him right now...weird). He didn't say or do anything awkward either. When he suggested we do this again sometime, I of course agreed.

There was only one thing he said that makes me wonder, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. He asked me if I had read his blog today, which I hadn't. "Oh, well it's all about you." Really? "Hahahaha no it's not... Well, it is a little... It's just about how I've been really happy lately." Aww I'll go read it. I'm glad you're happy.

So I read his blog just now--and he really doesn't mention me. He mentions some things we've done together, but there were other people there too so I'm just lumped in with his group of friends that he loves. And that's good. But it seems odd he would say anything about it... Perhaps I'm being too analytical. I really don't know how to read romantic signals from gay guys.

I was driving home and I thought, so what if I dated him? I mean, if a guy shows interest and I love to be around him, why not? Last time a guy showed interest that I love to be around...well I got scared and we all know what happened next. So do I have to be in love with the guy before I date him? Or should I just go with the flow?

Man I wish it didn't have to be so complicated. I wish I could just find a guy I liked, have him fall in love with me too, and then live happily ever after. None of this "am I attracted to him?" crap. No being scared of hurting someone or getting hurt.

I don't know. I'm much too cheerful right now to think about serious stuff (see? he makes me cheerful! blast.). I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. There's not much else I can do. I'll post more as I think about it more. If I feel like it.

In the mean time, I sort of want a snack.