A quicky...sort of...

Matthew asked me out on a date--dinner and a movie, tomorrow night. I'm actually really excited about it; Matthew is a dear dear friend and is a lot of fun to be with.

I wonder though. A couple of the Moho's have pointed out that Matthew seems to have taken a liking to me. Obviously he's gay so he isn't really attracted to me, but I do know he has thought a lot lately about trying to date girls in the hopes that eventually he can get married. He did tell me that he feels strangely close to me. I agreed with him whole-heartedly--we really haven't known each other for a very long time, but we connect really well and it's really easy for me to tell him personal things. He feels the same way. He even said he thinks I'm his closest girl friend.

Some concerns I have, should he be interested in dating me (these will most definitely require another post at another time when I'm not supposed to be sleeping):

1. I feel very very little romantic attraction to him. This could be simply because he's gay and I haven't allowed myself to be attracted to him. But I wonder if I would be attracted to him under normal circumstances (read: if he were straight).

2. I don't know how I feel about dating a gay guy. There was a time when I was willing, nay, when I wanted to date one--heck I wanted to marry him--but this is a completely different situation. I don't know if I'm up for it.

3. If I were to allow myself to be attracted to him, what if it didn't work out? That's a lot of heartache that I've already been through, and I'd really rather not have to do it again. It would be a huge risk.

4. I'm afraid our friendship would be jeopardized. Could I still be friends with a gay man I once dated? There really aren't many people out there who can tell me about how this type of situation should go.

5. I know he's scared to death of dating women--we've talked about it. If we were going to date, I would have to be incredibly sure of myself because he certainly isn't going to be.

Anyway, I'm probably reading way too much into this--I mean, he asked me on one date. We're friends, we've gone out before...It will be fun, of that I have no doubt. I guess I'm just wondering what I would do if he wanted to date me--if any Moho wanted to date me. It will make for some good posts later, but this is already longer than it was supposed to be. Blast. I have Calculus in the morning. Ha. More later.