Mark has a girlfriend. And I have no explanation.
I sort of wonder how this all affected him. If it did at all.
And now I'm re-evaluating this blog. It began as a place to vent and explore my unhealthy thoughts. Then it developed into a place to just be completely honest and emotional. I have another blog--one that is not anonymous--so I can't be as candid on that one. Too many people know me. Here, it's just me, and my one mystery reader that left a comment. I really need to install a statcounter on here because I'm curious now...
But I digress. This blog was supposed to be a journal for me, in a very real sense. But I feel suddenly like most of these posts have been about Mark.
Do I really want to go back and read all of these things again? Do I want to remember how mad I was? Or should I just delete them and start over? I've deleted posts before--ones that I knew were just me venting steam and weren't really necessary for me to read again. But what if I want to review this experience someday? I know it won't be any time soon, but...in the future maybe?
I just feel like this blog was really becoming a good record. And now it seems like that record has been all for nothing... Mark is no longer a part of my life, and it seems that our friendship was all for nothing.
That's what makes me the saddest. My anger has been waning for the past two days, and now I'm just sad that this ended so badly. We had so much fun together.
I'm rambling again. It's late, which is why my thoughts are muddled. I think clearer during the day.
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3 comments:
I appreciate your blog. You are very honest which is a rare quality these days. Honey, I have to tell you that you will remember each time your heart is stepped on and feel the pain too throughout your whole life. Nothing can change what happened and how it made you feel, but you can change how you are going to handle it. Just from reading your blog I can tell your goal is to progress in life. Anything that keeps you from progressing is worthy of the trash can. :) I believe that there are people in this world that carry a little piece of our hearts. The more we meet the more I feel complete. There are many people out there with pieces to you heart so keep searching and don't let anything hold you back.
Thanks a lot. It's neat getting comments on this blog...I very very rarely give the link out so I didn't think I had any readers. The reason I was thinking about redoing this blog is that I feel like my friendship with Mark was worthless now. He has completely cut me off from his life as if it had no effect on him. It just hurts to remember the good times when I feel like they aren't valid anymore...I don't think I will actually delete this blog, but I probably won't be re-reading any of it for a while...
So I'm sticking around. Thanks so much for your comment and feel free to continue commenting.
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